Building a Better Relationship With Your Adult Children

Dealing with disrespect from an adult child can be challenging and emotionally charged. Here’s how to handle the situation with care and effectiveness:

By following these steps, you can handle disrespect from your adult child in a way that preserves your dignity and promotes a healthier, more respectful relationship.

There will be moments when you strongly disagree with your child’s choices or the direction they’re taking in life. It’s natural to feel concerned, but it’s important to respect their decisions, even if you’re not happy with them.

Focus on Their Strengths: Remind your child of their strengths and past successes. Encouraging them in this way can help them make confident decisions, even if you don’t fully agree with their current choices.

Stay Open-Minded: Try to see things from their perspective. The world is different now than it was when you were their age, and their choices might be based on factors you’re not fully aware of. Being open-minded can help you understand their decisions better.

Set Boundaries if Necessary: If your child’s decisions affect you or the family negatively, it’s okay to set boundaries. For example, if they’re living at home and making choices that disrupt the household, have a calm discussion about what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Seek Common Ground: Find areas where you do agree or can compromise. This helps keep the relationship strong and shows your child that you’re willing to work together, even if you don’t see eye to eye on everything.

Encourage Accountability: Let your child take responsibility for their decisions, including any consequences that come with them. This teaches them the importance of accountability and helps them grow.

Model Resilience: Show your child how to handle disagreements with grace. By staying calm, respectful, and supportive, you’re modeling how to navigate difficult situations in a healthy way.

Give Them Space: Sometimes, giving your child space to figure things out on their own is the best support you can offer. Let them know you’re there for them, but also give them the freedom to make their own choices.

Keep the Door Open: Make sure your child knows that no matter what, they can always come to you for support or advice. Keeping the lines of communication open is key to maintaining a strong relationship.

Start by creating new traditions that include your adult children. For instance, you might plan regular family outings, such as a trip to the beach or meeting up at one of their homes. These activities help them feel connected and valued.

As their lives become busier, find creative ways to involve them in family events. If they can’t attend a family gathering, set up a video call so they can still participate and catch up with everyone.

Be flexible with old traditions to fit their current schedules. For example, if your family used to have Sunday dinners but their schedules no longer allow for it, consider organising occasional outings instead.

A trip to a new restaurant or a weekend adventure could become a new tradition, demonstrating your openness to change and understanding of their needs.

Understand that your children’s schedules are often packed with commitments, so they may not always have time for you. You’re just one part of their busy lives, and they need to balance time with family, friends, and other responsibilities.

Look for special opportunities to bond, such as organising a day trip to a local attraction or exploring new hobbies together, like trying out an escape room or going hiking. These shared experiences create lasting memories and deepen your relationship.

And don’t forget the little things. A quick call to share an update or check in on how their day went can keep your bond warm and close.

When your adult child is going through a tough time, be there for them as a source of comfort and support.

Let them know you’re available to listen whenever they need it, while also respecting their need for independence. For example, if they’re having a hard time at work or dealing with a breakup, let them know you’re just a call away and ready to chat if they want.

Encourage them to take care of themselves emotionally and mentally. You can suggest practical steps, like trying out stress-relief activities such as taking a walk or picking up a new hobby.

You could also gently suggest they talk to a trusted friend or a professional if they're feeling overwhelmed, but only if they seem open to the idea.

Additionally, offer practical support where you can. If they’re struggling with daily tasks, like managing chores or dealing with bills, offer to help or just be there to listen and give advice if they ask for it.

This shows that you care and are willing to support them in whatever way they need. Showing that you care will strengthen your bond and provide them with the reassurance they might need.

Let’s circle back to the key points from the beginning: respect is everything. Respect the boundaries your adult children set and stay open-minded. Focus on having fun together and creating lasting memories.

Avoid judgment and be there for them if they need support. Remember, you’re not there to take over their lives or make their decisions. That phase is behind you - they’re capable of managing on their own.

It’s easy to slip back into a parental role and question their choices, but this can make them feel defensive.

Instead, keep conversations open and ask gentle, open-ended questions. Every relationship is unique, and handling this new dynamic can be delicate.