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Empty Nest Syndrome: How to Cope When Your Kids Leave
“Empty Nest Syndrome: How to Cope When Your Kids Leave” is something most women can instantly relate to - yes, the title says it all - empty nest.
With four children heading off to university while I was running a business, life was hectic before they left. I always believed a mum should be there for her children as they grow up - supporting them wherever possible, talking when they want to talk, and encouraging independence.
From helping them choose their favourite universities (which meant driving all over the country) to ensuring they had the best opportunities for their future, everything revolved around them. It was a whirlwind of activity, balancing work and family life.
And then, all of a sudden, my kids were gone. The day I’d been anticipating for so long finally arrived, and while it was a big change, I couldn’t shake the feeling of relief that came with it. Almost immediately, though, I felt guilty for feeling that way.
People often talk about the ‘deafening silence’ when you come home - and that’s exactly how it felt.
The house was quiet, and for the first time, I had time for myself. No more worrying about when they’d be home, no more playing taxi driver, no more daily chaos. And the mess? What mess?! I’d leave the house tidy, come back, and it was still tidy. That part was quite nice.
But while it was great not to be needed as much anymore - they had new friends, their own lives, and only needed sporadic advice - something was unsettling about it too.
The hardest part was realizing that my role had shifted. I was still needed but in a different way. And that shift can feel difficult to adjust to.
WHAT IS EMPTY NEST SYNDROME?
Empty Nest Syndrome is the deep feeling of sadness, loss, or even anxiety that many parents - especially mothers - experience when their children leave home.
If you spent years devoted to raising, guiding, and nurturing your kids, it can feel like your life’s purpose has suddenly disappeared.
The job you loved is complete, and now, you may find yourself struggling with what comes next. Some women feel stuck, unable to move forward, as they search for a new sense of purpose beyond motherhood.
Carin Rubinstein, a social psychologist and author of "Beyond the Mommy Years" (2007), identifies three stages of Empty Nest Syndrome:
- Grief: Parents experience emotions like sorrow, despair, and anguish as they adjust to their children's absence.
- Relief: Acceptance of the transition leads to engaging in new hobbies and leisure activities.
- Renewal and Growth: Parents adapt to their new circumstances, discover new interests, and set personal goals, leading to a renewed sense of fulfilment.
These stages - grief, relief, and renewal - are part of the process as you adjust to life after your children leave, helping you find new ways to feel fulfilled and discover a sense of purpose beyond being a mother.
Why Do Women Experience Empty Nest Syndrome More Than Men?
Women are more likely to experience Empty Nest Syndrome because they often take on the primary caregiving role, which becomes a big part of their identity.
As a result, when their children leave home, they can face feelings of loss, sadness, and loneliness. Studies show that women are more prone to psychological challenges related to ENS.
Although fathers also feel a sense of loss, their routines and social structures tend to change less drastically. Many women have shaped their daily lives, emotions, and sometimes even careers around their children, making the adjustment to an empty nest particularly difficult.
How Common Is Empty Nest Syndrome?
Empty Nest Syndrome affects many parents, but the emotional intensity varies. According to a study by Unite Group, 98% of parents reported feeling "extreme grief" when their children left home for university. Additionally, 17% experienced physical symptoms, like panic attacks and sleeplessness, and 34% considered seeking professional help to cope.
Feeling lost after kids leave
Midlife reinvention
While women are often seen as more affected by Empty Nest Syndrome due to traditional caregiving roles, men can also struggle with this phase but may find it more difficult to express their feelings. This may be because men often have fewer emotional outlets or a smaller support network to process their emotions.
According to an article by John Skandalis, men can face significant challenges during the empty nest transition, and embracing emotional expression and seeking support can help them navigate this phase.
Ultimately, Empty Nest Syndrome is not just about missing your children - it’s about adjusting to a new role in life. While the sadness can feel heavy, finding new meaning and fulfilment as you move forward is possible.
WHY DOES EMPTY NEST SYNDROME HURT SO MUCH? THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF LETTING GO
It’s not just about them leaving - it’s about you. Your purpose, your sense of self, the role you’ve lived in for so long suddenly feeling... different. It’s the kind of pain you never saw coming, the kind that sneaks up on you in the quiet moments.
Take Sarah’s story. She’s just dropped her youngest off at college, and as she watches her daughter unpack, trying to organize the chaos, her daughter simply says, “Just leave it, Mum. I’ll sort it out later.”
And just like that, the moment she’s been preparing for finally hits. She hugs her daughter, grabs a quick coffee, and heads to her car. Once inside, she turns on the radio, cranking the volume up - too loud - but it’s the only thing that drowns out the weight in her chest.
When she gets home, she wanders into her daughter’s room. It’s still neat, still full of little reminders of her, and without even thinking, she starts tidying up - folding clothes and adjusting pillows.
But it doesn’t feel right. The house is too quiet. And no matter what she does, nothing fills the space where her daughter’s laughter used to be.
Sarah tries to move forward - Netflix, reading, gardening - but nothing feels the same. She keeps buying things her daughter might need when she visits, but deep down, she knows she’s just trying to hold onto a piece of the past.
Then, a phone call from her daughter. Finally, a chance to chat. But after a few quick "I just want to check if..." the words on the other end hit harder than she expected: "Hey, Mum, I’ve got to go, I’ve got stuff to do." Three minutes. That’s it.
Just like that, Sarah is left with the raw, unsettling feeling of being... forgotten. She tells herself it’s normal - that her daughter is just busy. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
And the hardest part? The more Sarah waits for things to feel normal again, the more she realises - this is the new normal. The visits become less frequent, and when her daughter does come home, she’s more independent and less in need of advice or reassurance.
"Mum, I’ve got this. I’m figuring it out."
And in that moment, Sarah’s world shifts again. The mother-daughter bond she once knew is evolving. She looks around her quiet house, and the silence is deafening. The identity she built around being a mum is slipping through her fingers.
And here’s the hard truth: her daughter isn’t doing anything wrong. She’s simply living her life - just as Sarah raised her to do. Our children don’t owe us their time, their constant attention, or the responsibility of easing our loneliness. They’re navigating their own world, facing their own challenges, and stepping into independence - just like we had to when we reached this point in our lives.
And just as they have to adjust to the ups and downs of adulthood, we have our own work to do. The loneliness, the ache of change - it’s not their burden to carry. It’s ours to sit with, to process, and ultimately, to transform into something new.
But as Sarah grapples with these emotions, she realizes something else - her marriage feels different, too. Without the daily chaos of parenting, there’s an unfamiliar quiet between her and her husband. The distractions that once filled their days are gone, and what’s left is a relationship that feels... unfamiliar.
If there were cracks before, they don’t just disappear. They become more obvious. Conversations feel different. The routines that once kept them connected have faded, and now, they find themselves sitting across from each other at dinner, searching for words.
The shared purpose that once held them together - the schedules, the school runs, the endless to-do lists - is no longer there. And without it, they’re left wondering: What now?
You see, empty nest syndrome isn’t just about missing your kids - it’s about losing your place in a family that once revolved around you. The rhythm of daily life has changed, and the role that once defined you feels uncertain.
Sarah’s story is a wake-up call. The question is: What do you do when the life you knew is no longer there?
The road isn’t easy, but there is a way forward. It takes time, self-reflection, and the courage to say: I am more than just Mum. I am still me. And I can find joy and purpose in this new chapter.
Yes, it hurts. Yes, it feels like you’ve lost something precious. But as Sarah will eventually discover, this is also a beginning. A chance to rediscover herself - not just as a mother, but as a woman with dreams, passions, and possibilities still ahead.
It’s time to take a deep breath, look forward, and step into what comes next. You’re not done. You’re just getting started.
COPING STRATEGIES AND SELF-CARE FOR EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
I won’t lie to you - transitioning to an empty nest can be challenging. While it's natural to feel a sense of loss, this phase also offers opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.
Let’s explore some practical strategies to help you deal with this emotional time and make the most of the opportunities ahead.
Practical Tips
1. Rediscover Your Passions
This is your time to focus on what YOU love. Whether it’s picking up an old hobby or diving into a personal goal you’ve put on the back burner, this is your chance to reawaken the things that bring you joy and fulfilment. As one quote aptly puts it, "The empty nest is a blank canvas waiting to be filled with new experiences, new hobbies, and new dreams."
2. Create New Routines
When your home feels quieter, fill it with activities that bring you joy. Establishing new routines - like a morning walk, enjoying a favourite tea, or diving into a weekend project - can give your day a sense of structure and meaning.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
After years of prioritizing your family's needs, it's time to shift that focus to yourself. Self-care isn’t a luxury - it’s crucial for your well-being.
Whether it's yoga, journaling, or enjoying a peaceful retreat, carve out moments for activities that rejuvenate both your body and mind. Now is the perfect time to give yourself the care you've always shown others.
4. Stay Connected
Don’t let distance create emotional distance. Find new ways to stay close to your children, whether it’s through regular video calls, surprise care packages, or just a thoughtful text message. Staying connected helps ease the feelings of being left behind.
At the same time, this is also an opportunity to reconnect with your partner. Without the constant focus on parenting, you can rediscover what brought you together in the first place. Plan date nights, take up a new hobby as a couple, or simply spend more quality time together. Strengthening your relationship now can bring a new sense of closeness and excitement to this next stage of life.
5. Build Your Support System
Surround yourself with friends, family, or groups of women who understand what you’re going through. Sharing your thoughts and experiences with others in similar situations creates a sense of belonging and provides the emotional support you need during this time.
6. Explore New Opportunities
This is the perfect time to consider things you might not have thought about before - whether it's a new career, a creative pursuit, or travel. Set fresh goals, explore new interests, or even pursue further education.
Embracing new opportunities can help fill the gap left by your children’s absence and reignite your sense of adventure. Think about what brings you joy and go after it.
Finding joy after kids leave is possible - it just takes a little time, effort, and a willingness to embrace the new rhythm of your life.
Seek Professional Support When Needed
If feelings of sadness or loss become overwhelming, seeking professional help is a sign of strength. Therapists or counsellors can offer strategies to cope with the emotional aspects of Empty Nest Syndrome.
Neurolaunch advises that "self-care is crucial during this time. Prioritize your physical and mental health, and don’t hesitate to seek support when needed."
Here are some trusted resources for professional support:
UK Resources
- Relate – Specializes in relationship counseling, including support for life transitions like Empty Nest Syndrome. They offer individual therapy, online counseling, and workshops. Visit Relate here
- Mind: Provides mental health support, including counseling services, helplines, and resources for those struggling with emotional challenges. Visit Mind here
USA Resources
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Offers support, education, and advocacy for those facing mental health challenges. They can help connect you with counselors specializing in emotional well-being. Visit NAMI here
- Psychology Today: comprehensive directory of licensed therapists and counselors across the United States who can provide specialized support for Empty Nest Syndrome. You can search for empty nest syndrome support groups as well. Visit Psychology Today here
REINVENTING YOUR LIFE -
FROM EMPTY NEST TO EXCITING NEW BEGINNINGS
The moment your children step into their independent lives, you step into something just as meaningful - a fresh chapter that’s all about YOU. This isn’t the end of your journey; it’s an open door to new experiences, dreams, and possibilities that may have been on hold for years.
For many women, the empty nest phase can feel unsettling at first. But what if it’s actually a chance to rediscover who you are beyond motherhood? This is your time to explore passions, set new goals, and redefine your purpose in ways that excite and fulfil you. It’s about creating a life that feels inspiring, not just filling the time.
Adjusting to this new chapter isn't always straightforward, and stress can sneak in. Living healthier – through regular exercise, self-care, and nourishing your body and mind – can help you feel more balanced during and after the empty nest phase.
A confidence boost can also make a difference, and refreshing your wardrobe might be just what you need to feel more energized and aligned with your new self.
This is your time to shine, and if you’re wondering where to start, Embracing Life After 50: Rediscover Your True Self and Thrive offers great information on self-care to help you thrive in this new chapter.
Why Reinventing Yourself Matters
Psychologists agree that life transitions, while challenging, are also opportunities for personal growth. Studies show that those who actively engage in self-discovery and new pursuits report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction, and this is especially true for women in midlife. Reinvention isn’t about erasing the past - it’s about evolving into the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Ask yourself:
What have I always wanted to do but never had the time for?
What kind of impact do I want to make in this stage of life?
What activities bring me the most energy and fulfillment?
💡 Tip: This is the perfect opportunity to download the ‘Vision Board Template’ from the Resources & Tools page. Visualizing your dreams can help turn them into reality!
Creating a Life That Feels Exciting and Meaningful
- Explore New Roles – Consider mentorship, volunteering, or even shifting into a career that aligns with your passions. Many women find fulfillment in guiding others or using their skills in fresh ways.
- Start a Passion Project – Whether it’s writing a book, launching a blog, or developing a creative business, this is your chance to build something for yourself.
- Expand Your Social Circles – Seek out like-minded women who are also embracing this new phase. Joining groups, clubs, or networking communities can spark new friendships and opportunities.
- Find a Cause That Matters – Giving back can bring a deep sense of fulfillment. Whether it’s working with a nonprofit, supporting local initiatives, or mentoring younger women, contributing to something bigger than yourself adds richness to this stage of life.
- Learn Something New – Whether it’s a language, a certification, or a new hobby, expanding your skills can boost confidence and open unexpected doors.
- Set Fresh Goals – From travelling solo to starting a business, creating a vision for your future can give you a renewed sense of direction.
Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone – The Key to Growth
The biggest breakthroughs often happen when you push beyond what's familiar. Growth isn't just about trying new things - it's about challenging yourself in ways that build confidence and excitement.
- Say YES to something that scares you a little. Maybe it’s signing up for a dance class, speaking at an event, or travelling solo.
- Surround yourself with people who inspire you to think bigger and dream bolder.
- Take small, intentional steps. You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight - just one bold move at a time can create incredible change.
If stepping outside your comfort zone feels intimidating, don’t worry - there’s more guidance coming in future articles to help you take that leap!
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Stepping into Your Next Adventure
Reinvention isn’t about staying busy - it’s about creating a life that feels intentional and deeply satisfying. You’re not just filling the space left by your children’s absence - you’re building a future that excites you.
What will your next chapter look like? The possibilities are endless.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON FINDING YOUR NEW PURPOSE AND EMBRACING NEW BEGINNINGS
This new chapter in your life doesn’t have to feel like a void - it’s a blank page, full of possibilities just waiting for you to fill them. When your children leave the nest, it can feel like a loss, but what if it’s the beginning of something beautiful?
This is your chance to focus on yourself, to rediscover passions and dreams that may have been set aside for years. You’ve poured so much into your family - now it’s time to pour some of that love and energy back into yourself.
Empty nest syndrome isn’t a sign that you’ve lost something - it’s an invitation to rediscover who you are and what you’re meant to do next. This is YOUR time.
I know it’s not always easy, and it’s okay to feel unsure at first. But take a deep breath and remember: this moment is yours. It’s an opportunity to grow in ways you’ve never imagined, to embrace new challenges, and to discover a new sense of purpose.
Start small. Start today. You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out for support, take time for yourself, and embrace the freedom that comes with this new chapter. Brighter days are ahead, and the best is yet to come.
“You’ve got this - let’s move forward together.”
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Birgit is a compassionate guide specialising in supporting senior women through life's transitions. Alongside her dedication to this cause, she finds joy in teaching piano, nurturing her garden, cherishing family moments, and enjoying walks. These activities fuel her creativity and bring depth and richness to her life.
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