Post-Kids: How to Reconnect with Your Spouse

Hello, and welcome to ‘Post-Kids: How to Reconnect with Your Spouse’ - a guide for empty nesters now that the kids have left home.

You've finally reached this new chapter - your children have grown up and moved on. You've spent years dedicated to raising them, guiding them through school, helping them get into the right university, or landing their first job.

Your life has been centred around them, ensuring they had everything they needed to succeed. But now, the house is quiet, and it feels like this change has come suddenly.

The path ahead feels different and unfamiliar. You and your partner are together again, just the two of you, but things aren’t quite the same.

Perhaps you focused on the kids' education while your spouse was busy with work, or maybe you both juggled careers and family life.

Now, with your children gone, you might be struggling with mixed emotions - pride in their independence, but also a sense of loss and uncertainty.

The focus that once held your family together has shifted, and you may find that you and your partner have drifted apart.

Just a quick note: While I’m focusing on husband-and-wife relationships here, the advice applies to any partnership - whether it’s heterosexual, same-sex, or any other gender dynamic.

Remember, I’m not a marriage counsellor. If you’re struggling to find a positive path forward after your children have left home, seeking professional guidance is a wise step.

You’ll find a help section at the end of this article with more resources.

Hey, empty nesters! This is a fantastic opportunity to rediscover each other and rekindle the excitement in your relationship.

With the children now out of the house, you have more time on your hands than ever before. If you feel that the connection with your partner isn’t as deep as it could be, don’t worry - there are several steps you can take to make a positive change.

Remember, you can’t force your partner to take control; the initiative must come from you. In your journey to reconnect with your spouse, you have the power to guide the steps that will revitalise your relationship.

In this chapter, I want to highlight three key areas to focus on:

It’s easy to focus on the flaws and things that could be better in your partner. But instead of criticising, which can create distance, try shifting your focus to the positives.

Think about the qualities that made you fall in love with your spouse. What do you like most about him? Is it his practicality, his ability to tackle small tasks efficiently?

Maybe it’s his talent for socialising and making others feel at ease, or perhaps his knack for staying organised and on top of things. Whether it's his smile, his tidiness, or his way with paperwork, these could be the traits that drew you to him.

Make it a habit to let your partner know that you admire these qualities. Regular compliments and recognition of what he does well can go a long way.

Everyone loves to hear positive feedback, and your affirmations will not only make him feel appreciated but also strengthen your bond.

By focusing on the positive and offering genuine praise, you’re reinforcing the behaviours you love.

This encouragement can lead to a more connected and fulfilling relationship, as it highlights the things he’s doing right and helps him feel valued.

Everyone connects in their own way, and knowing what makes your partner tick can bring you closer. Instead of pushing for deep conversations if that’s not his style, find other ways to connect that fit his personality.

If your partner is a hard worker who takes pride in his work and pays attention to details, show him you care by joining him in projects he loves. Whether it's helping with a DIY project or praising his hard work, your support will make him feel appreciated and valued.

Or let's say he’s a 'go-getter', full of energy and ambition, support his goals and dreams. Join him in tackling a fitness challenge or a big home project. Your enthusiasm and participation will align with his dynamic nature and help strengthen your bond.

If he loves interacting with people, get involved in social activities he enjoys. Plan a casual get-together with friends or attend events he’s excited about. This way, you’re connecting in a way that feels natural and fulfilling for him.

Rebuilding intimacy is about more than just physical or sexual closeness; it’s also about emotional connection.

Strengthening both aspects is crucial for deepening your bond and improving your overall relationship. To nurture the love and bond you share, it’s important to work on both the physical and emotional connections you have with each other.

When discussing sensitive topics, it’s important to use "I" statements. Avoid accusing or blaming by starting with phrases like, "I feel this way when..." or "I shut down when...".

This approach keeps the conversation focused on your feelings without making your partner feel defensive. Staying in the "I" when talking about delicate subjects is key to maintaining a constructive and understanding dialogue.

And then there’s the aspect of physical connection or sexual closeness. Physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship because it shows affection and care for each other.

Feeling physically close to your partner not only feels good but also strengthens your emotional connection.

Another way to enhance physical intimacy is by paying attention to how you present yourself. Perhaps it’s time to update your lingerie or pyjamas to something that makes you feel confident and beautiful, no matter your shape.

Simple acts like giving a back massage, a foot rub, or an unexpected cuddle when you hand him a cup of coffee can make a big difference. Rekindling the spark is possible with these little acts of affection.

Addressing Barriers: As you both age, health issues might make intimacy more challenging - whether it’s a lowered libido, heart problems, fatigue, or joint pain.

It’s also common for one partner to have a higher libido than the other, or for vaginal dryness to become an issue. Don’t be afraid to talk about these challenges openly. Seeking professional help is a positive step if needed.

Sometimes, the solutions are simple, like getting a prescription for Viagra or ordering KY Jelly online. The key is to overcome any insecurities together, ensuring you both feel comfortable and connected.

This is a journey you take side by side, supporting each other along the way.

Prioritising Self-Care: This is also the time to focus on yourself - because how you feel directly impacts your confidence and the strength of your connection with your partner.

Nourish your body by eating well; a balanced diet fuels your energy and helps you feel your best.

Regular exercise, even if it's just a daily walk, keeps your body active and boosts your mood, making you feel more vibrant and alive. Staying hydrated is equally important, as it enhances your overall well-being and keeps your skin glowing.

Taking care of yourself isn’t just about physical health; it’s about nurturing your self-esteem and embracing the confidence that comes with feeling good in your own skin.

When you prioritise self-care, you’re not only enhancing your own life but also bringing more positivity, energy, and love into your relationship.

Imagine the ripple effect - feeling confident, energised, and healthy can reignite the spark between you and your partner, making your bond even stronger.

So, take the time to care for yourself; it’s an essential part of rekindling and maintaining a deep, fulfilling intimacy.